I have a 13 year-old son who will be in 8th grade this fall, and we haven’t had “The Talk.”¹

We “Talk” all the time, at nearly every opportunity. Sometimes it’s uncomfortable. Sometimes it’s not. Sometimes it’s short. Sometimes it’s not. Sometimes it’s serious. Sometimes I’m ready. Sometimes I’m not. Sometimes I’d rather not. But it always worth it.

The world provides countless stimuli for me to teach my boys about creation (and procreation), values (and trash), and terminology (and innuendo). I try to take those situations and cultivate conversations that draw out what they think/know and then explain relationships, and respect, values and love, natural and perverted.

Once riding in the van with only my oldest, “Blurred Lines” came on the radio. Rather than change the station, we listened. Then I explained about every clinical and street use of the B-word.  We made a quick stop immediately after the song (I think we had even waited in the car for it to finish). When we got back in the car, the station was immediately changed to K-Love, and not by me. Apparently, that talk was over and guy on the other side of it wasn’t eager for another one any time soon. But I had conveyed a message about treating women with respect.

A few days ago, I tried to run a hose from our basement dehumidifier to the sump pump, but the appropriate end of the hose wouldn’t fit in the dehumidifier. Turning around, I noticed my oldest walking by. “Hey, Bud, are you ready for another short sex talk?”

“Uh, sure. Why not.” He responded, with a grin that said, It doesn’t matter what I say. I just hope it really is quick!

Two minutes later we had finished a discussion of male and female parts and adapters in plumbing, electrical, A/V, etc. “Well, that sure makes sense and is the quickest way to explain what part you need.”  And I had demonstrated that we don’t have to giggle and snort about like Beavis and Butthead when sexual terms are used.

Then our TWO of our cats got pregnant. My middle son, the one with a literal, logical, “black-and-white brain,” asked how they got that way. Well… I wasn’t ready for that one right then, but he had recently had a conversation with Rachel that when something like, “Dad hasn’t told me about sex yet. Ryan knows about sex, but I don’t. When is Dad going to talk with me.” So a few days later, he got to run an errand with me. and we talked (about CATS, I emphasized). Then, he asked, “Wait, is it that way with humans, too? So you had to do that to Mom to make us? OUCH!” Ready or not, I got to convey that God made sex for specific situations², and in those situations it is not gross and should not be painful.

Then there was today with my nine year old:

Like my rambling hashtags demonstrate, this situation didn’t call for anything more than “need to know” information. I hope he (and his brothers) learned that there is stuff out there that they don’t need to know yet, but that they will learn at the right time.

We’ll have the next “Talk” soon enough, ready or not.

 

1- I wrote this opening sentence and realized it reads like a “clickbait” headline on Facebook, but I’m leaving it anyway.

2- I almost ended this conversation, when I remembered which child I was talking to. Joel’s Aspergers gives him that literal mind I mentioned earlier. It also limits his filtering and hinders his understanding of what is socially acceptable, so we talked about avoiding judgemental speech. We talked about how the difficult situation for Hattie’s birth mother had been used by God to bless us with the sister he was sitting beside in the car. 

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